Alistair in Reality
by Z-sexysadistdrake
Summary: What if everything in Alice in Wonderland was oppisite? Alice would become Alistair... and Wonderland would become reality...


**Hey guys. New story here. I wrote it like two years ago and almost completely forgot. Well here it is. Its sort of a weird twist on alice in wonderland, cause alice had a sex change and moved somewhere else. ;D jj. But pls do read on.**

**I do not own Alice in Wonderland…**

Alistair in Reality

Chapter 1

Alistair liked to be left alone. Although he almost never got what he wanted, there was always someone. Someone behind you, breathing in your ear, laugh too hard. Or someone next to you shouting some meaningless poem or jibber-jabber at the top of their voices. Alistair didn't like this fact and preferred to avoid these things as much as possible. But he wasn't always successful in avoiding them. His best friend, Hare, was sitting on the moss covered rock by the creek, while Alistair floated in the creek, along with all the multi-coloured fish. Hare never stopped singing, that's what got Alistair day-dreaming about privacy again. Hare was… obnoxious. He was a happy, over excited, mad, but still very obnoxious, hare. He had buck teeth and frizzy fur, he only had three, crooked whiskers, one mud brown eye bigger than the other, and his floppy ears hung in his face. But despite all his physical faults, a happy rodent he was. He always had a mad grin on his face, as if he was about to pick your pocket, but he never really would. He was irritating but honest beyond boundaries, he'd never steal.

"_And the mockingbird grabbed the frog, so the frog grabbed the fly, so the fly grabbed the spec, so the spec stuck to the elephant!" _Hare sang.

"Hare?" 

"Wot?" He quickly snapped his head towards Alistair.

"Could you please stop singing, just for a bit?" Alistair begged.

"Fine." He giggled to himself and started humming 'Twinkle Twinkle Little Bat'

Alistair sighed to himself and closed his eyes.

He wondered what it would be like if everything was different, no talking flowers, no evaporating cats, no fat arguing twins, and_ especially _no Mad Hatters! Mad Hatters! What old news! Every second person was a Hatter. His father, his mother, his sister and his brother were Hatters. He was supposed to be a Hatter, but he was so grateful that the gene had just skipped him. Hatters always had too much make-up on, bright coloured hair, and stupid shoes! They looked ridiculous and acted even more ridiculous. They were just… unbearable.

"ALISTAAAAAAIR! Tea!" His mother called from up in the house.

And that was another thing, them and their _bloody _tea!

"Hare, see you tomorrow." Alistair waved a quick goodbye.

Hare barely noticed, he nodded, hopped off the rock, started to whistle, and walked casually back towards his home.

Alistair climbed up the mossy, pink embankment and started climbing the orange, spiral staircase that led to the front door of his house, well, the thing that was supposed to be his house. It stood on four, rickety, blue, kilometer tall poles. And whenever there was strong wind it swayed. The patchy, tiled roof was green and the crumbling bricks were purple, and the door was a cherry red. And the more you climbed up the orange stairs, the closer to the ground you felt.

When stepping inside the Sagacious' home, the first thing you notice are the purple umbrella's, the umbrellas hung from the thatch roof, and some where even stuck through the floor and open, so that, randomly, there were purple bulges off the mauve floor. There were paintings and pictures of purple umbrellas, but curiously, somewhere, deep in the clutter, Alistair had caught glimpses of a single, yellow umbrella, but it was never used or opened, it was carefully tucked behind the ironing board and the red fridge.

"Alistair! To think that a fourteen year old boy could hate his mother so much as to keep her waiting!" His mother smiled with her rosy pink lips and pulled him into a hug.

Samantha Sophia Salia Sule' Sagacious was beautiful, she had some aging to her, but beautiful none the less. She was warm and kind, she loved baking and cooking, but most of all she loved her umbrellas. She loved the colour purple as much. She had long, indigo, curly hair that stuck out beneath her lilac top hat, her lavender dress matched her eye shadow, and her painted white face matched her shoes and stockings. But the most striking thing about Samantha, was her eyes, they seemed to change their shades from violet to indigo to blue to navy to purple, and then back to violet.

"Yes, Mother." Alistair drawled lovingly.

"Son, why don't you help your dear mother set the table?" Alistair's father strolled into the room, followed by Alistair's older brother, Simon.

Alistair's father, Samuel Sinatra Shawn Sheldon Sagacious, is extra, extraordinary. He loves laughing and laughs at almost anything, dancing is also one of his favorite's, he's always doing a little wiggle or tapping his feet. He too, loves to sing, and hum, and whistle, but absolutely loves reading, books are his friends, they follow him everywhere. Today, the book 'Don't Forget to Belch Sensibly' is at his heals, shoving into the back of his brown boots. Samuel was bald, but the fluff coming off of his old, olive green top hat provided enough cover to his head. And the suit today was pin striped and mustard yellow.

Alistair's brother, seventeen year old Simon Saber Sabin Scar, on the other hand is… serious… He is mad, but in a serious, sad and sadistic kind of way, he laughs and sings and dances, but when you speak to him the conversation usually ends on the very serious subject of death. He had dark, straight hair that hung in his eyes and bushy eyebrows that needed combing quite often. He was handsome, but a very serious handsome, and always wore black, the only thing that didn't resemble darkness, was his top hat, it was white, with a white-gold pattern on it that changed every few minutes.

Simon and Samuel sat down at the blue painted table as if they expected the food to appear in front of them, which it did, after Alistair and Samantha, both, simultaneously pointed at the table, and everything just popped into place.

They both giggled when Samuel yelped like a child and Simon went flying off his chair and hid under the table.

Samantha and Alistair didn't like using their power, but it came in handy when you needed to scare a couple of donkeys. The power they shared was very minor, Alistair was the only child who inherited it from his mother, she was a minor sorcerer, and could do small things like cook and clean without having to lift a finger. Alistair didn't use his for household duties, he just liked to play with it, control little bits of water or make puffs of air fly into his sister's ear.

"Simon? What in Wonderland are you doing under the table?" Susan asked as she twirled into the room.

Susan Sarah Sadie Saffron Sagacious was… Dreamy. She was nine and seven eighths, she liked to say. She was never fully there, always somewhere on the other side of Wonderland. In her head she was always playing with the famous Princess of Broken Hearts and her dice or having tea with the sea-pachyderms, or inviting the Walrus and his oysters to a feast. She liked to sleep too, which is strange for a child, but when she slept, she dreamt, so that was fine. Her short golden locks bounced every time she took a step, and the green star next to her green eyes twinkled when she stepped into sunlight, she was the one hatter who never painted her face, she preferred it when people could see her dimples, she was always smiling, quite sweetly too, and her dress was never any other colour than lemon yellow and white, but although her dress was always perfect, prim and neat, her lime green top hat never seemed to sit straight on her head.

"Oh, nothing. Alistair and Mother were just playing with their stupid magic again. It gave me a lurch of my life, nearly fell through the floor I did." Simon explained.

"Oh, Mummy! I thought you said you were giving up on that! It makes me hop out of my skin!" Susie cried.

"Sorry dear, your father was just being an ass." Samantha declared.

"Oh." Susie looked deeply concerned in trying to figure out what the word 'ass' meant.

"Next time, _you_ can help me set the table instead of ordering your son to do it for you!" Samantha grabbed a dishtowel and flicked both Simon and Samuel with it.

She sat down at the head of the table and poured herself a cup of tea.

"Alistair, come and sit down, help yourself." His mother said, while buttering her ladybird.

Samantha was amazing with food, and her family were amazing at eating it. She could make practically anything, and her children and husband never complain about her experimental foods. They always tasted good, so why even ask?

Alistair chose a patty-toe and smeared the llama-cheese on and munched it down. Alistair could eat, a lot. He loved food, it never took him a moment to decide whether he wanted something or not, he wasn't and indecisive person, he made his decisions quickly and logically. Alistair Scott Stanley Something Sagacious was his full name, and he hated it. Who names their child Something? It's strange, and Alistair was anything but strange. Well in Wonderland he was strange, but in other places, he wasn't, but he didn't know that yet. Alistair didn't like what other Wonderlanders liked. He didn't like jumping and shouting and dancing and singing and riddles and poems. He liked silence, he liked peace and quiet. He didn't mind music, but only soft and simple music is what he liked. But the thing he didn't like the most was tea! Oh! Jabberwocky damn TEA! It was everywhere! 'Let's have a tea party' was a sentence he had heard so often that he could tell when people were going to say it. Besides from not liking tea, he was a very simple person, yes, yes he was a person, one of the very few. But all the other persons liked to dress up so much that you could barely tell they were persons. Alistair didn't dress up, he tried his best to wear just a plain white shirt and black trousers. He wasn't often successful, sometimes he wouldn't be able to find his normal clothing, and would have to go to school in the suits that all the other hares and hatters and persons wore. He almost never wore his hats, he was sick of hats, so he never wore one. His hair wasn't like all other bright colour hair, he liked his black hair, it hid him, so that people didn't have to look at him. His eyes didn't change colour, they were just a plain bottle green, and once again he was happy with that, he guessed he was good-looking, but the 'girls' in wonderland didn't go for normal and simple, they went for the Hatters with eyebrows that needed brushing and hair that never relaxed. They loved the different hats, and if your hat wasn't impressive, you weren't and Alistair didn't wear a hat… Girls seemed to ignore him, he was okay with that, one day when he's really desperate, he'll become the ultimate hatter and have thousands of chick hatters falling at his feet, but for now, he was still fine. That got him thinking about Winter… _She was… She was just, perfect. _He thought. _No, come on that's stupid, she doesn't even know you exist! _ He berated himself.

After everyone seemed to be deep enough into the conversation they were having about the new rainbows on the market, Alistair snuck away without anyone noticing him and went to his bedroom. He looked around again, just to remind himself what a pathetic affair it was and then plopped down onto the double bed squeezed into the corner. He often wandered what it was like in other families. Like, what about Hare's family? They probably sat on the floor and all sang songs together until they didn't even want to hear their own voices anymore. But he knew that was impossible, Wonderlanders never got tired of singing. What about a person family? No, they were probably worse than Hatters, they were probably obsessed with avoiding being themselves. And only ever talked about school and the price of eggs. Persons had a tendency to never be themselves; they preferred to make sure that everyone else approves of them. Persons like to pretend. Alistair had never understood this. What about the royal family? They were persons, but they must be different to the usual persons. They should at least be a bit more sensible. They didn't over do their nonsenseness. They were just… The royal family. That's it. Alistair wondered if they ever fought. Probably. Actually, probably quite often, they were a big family, which means lots of opinions. Exactly seven members of the royal family, the King, Montgomery Morgenstern, he obviously had more names than that, but probably, like, twenty-something of them. The Queen, Margret Morgenstern, was… Depressed, she lost a child many annum ago, not much was told. The Princess (of broken hearts), their eldest daughter, was about seventeen, her name was Madia Morgenstern, she was determined to keep her mother alive, and she always appeared angry or miserable. Her younger brother, Magnus, was the heir, but still a mere age of fifteen. The youngest child, Madison, was only eight, she was quite unaware of anything, loved her father but was usually kept entertained by her nursemaids. The Queen's sister, Duchess Gaia Gateway and her daughter, Genevieve. Genevieve was a typical royal. She liked to dress up (but still didn't over do her nonsense), a lot. She used to be a model, but gave it up when she was thirteen, and now, at the age of fourteen, she and her mother made most of the public appearances for the royals.

Alistair thought it would be alright in the royal family, he could hide away like Magnus for the rest of his life, and nobody would bother him. Then he could even be King one day, wow, that would be amazing, he could then declare no more nonsense! But, wait… no. he couldn't stop everything that everyone loved, that would be cruel and selfish, not nice at all. Everyone ha a right to be themselves, just like himself.

Alistair stopped thinking about being someone else and having their responsibilities and started thinking about Winter. She was the girl he'd known since childhood, well, at least he knew her, she almost had no idea about him. She was a little like Alistair though, he'd noticed, she tried to be as invisible as possible, although, not as much as Alistair did, she just didn't like attention, he guessed. She always wore her white hair in either a plait down her back (with a white beret) or a chignon on top of her head; she always wore white, or black. She didn't put on makeup, always had a clear and perfect face. Her eyes were a very pleasant, clear, swimming pool, blue colour. She laughed and smiled a lot, but could be serious too sometimes. Alistair liked her too much. He told himself everything about her was perfect. He knew how wrong he was, but there was something about her… something that made you want to forget her mistakes…


End file.
